Take a Step Back

I just watched the recent movie craze~~~ INCEPTION. dun dun dun!! :OThis is my face after watching the movie...like what the heck just happened... This movie... as the white boy behind me had said, "is twisted on so many levels." Well this movie gave my brain a kick to start thinking again.... and it got me thinking.... a lot... not just about the movie... but just life. I had been writing in a "super-top-secret-nobody-better-read-it" journal/diary since early April this year and had stopped writing in it since summer started. I opened it, read it just now, and realized my life was a prime example of 'utter fail'. When you read it with a clear mind, it is so obvious to see that God wasn't in the center of my life. (if you haven't started, I advise everyone to start a journal. It's healthy!... I think. hahaha). All you read about is me whining about this, about that, how can I do this, how will I do that, this is the best, this is the worst... and the list goes on. It is never about how much can I serve God more, how will I approach serving God, how can I help glorify His kingdom, How can I love others as God has commanded us. I take a step back... I close my eyes, breathe, and just mentally analyze the inner me... And still... I see struggle. I struggle with pride. I struggle with regret. I struggle with the past...what coulda...what shoulda...how...maybe....why...now.... BUT even when I think that I have that clear mind, my flesh continue to cloud my judgement. Every time.... I have to remind myself.. to take another step back and clear them clouds. EVEN WRITING THIS XANGA ENTRY I CAN CLEARLY SEE THAT I STILL FAIL. Past couple of weeks has been good to me. It was just so refreshing and relaxing and provided me the opportunity to really just let my body rest from all the brutal physical, emotional, spiritual, and mental beatings I took this past year. Well budddddaaayyy~ I don't got the guts to say it in person, but from the bottom of my heart, thank you!! : ) and most importantly, thank you J-man of the heavens!! You always got mah back!! Please pray for me and our mission team, so that...more than safety, we would at LEAST have the skills and love necessary to be able to save one soul.... and this can only happen through Jesus Christ alone! so please pray for us!!! Thank you! ...and that's all he said

Big Headed

So I came running late to immunology class.
I was like sweating and panting because I didn't want to miss the Extra Credit clicker. And since I came late, I had to sit in the waayyy back.
So I sat down in the second to last row.

THEN BEHIND ME....
I heard some grunting from a girl, and some anger puffs. And then some lip-smacking-attitude-noises. and then some shuffling.
and then I see her move her seat .
She moved from directly behind me... to one seat over.

As I made eye contact with her.... with a confused look on my face...
She looked at me and put her hands over her head like there was a huge bubble around her head. Her eyes got really big and said, "I couldn't see because of your head"

And then I sunk into my seat, so only my hairs would stick out in her line of vision...
And proceeded to listen to the professor...
....on my last day of class....woo hoo....

...and that's all he said.

Open Eyes + "Candy"

Open eyes + "Candy"

AHAHahahahahaHAHaHahahaHaHAHAHAHahahahhaAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHhahahahahaHAHAHAh
O my. I just read an article that my pastor sent to all the "singles out there". And after reading it, I just felt God's plans for me and His wisdom poured down unto me. Everytime God reveals a little snippet of what He has planned for me, I am always encouraged and filled with joy that just wants to BURST out of my body!!! HAHA Even though I'm not ready, I know what it takes now. And I'm gonna get there! :)

Jeremiah 29:11

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

God has been EXTRA-Humbling me this quarter.... and helping me realize a lot of things.
"I've given you the right to be called my son. I've given you a peace and joy that transcends all knowledge. I've given you a love like no other in Jesus' death on the cross. If I don't give you anything anymore EVER again, you should still be thankful for everything I've done for you already."

P.S. SIDE STORY
HAHAHAHAHHAAHHAHAHAHAH
so today. I was just chilling in my dad's office.(my dad is the head pastor at my church) (my dad was in the cafeteria eating with church people). And I see the door open... and in comes 2 elementary kids (weekly visitors). I remember every week they come to get candy from my dad. And EVERYTIME....my dad is so SOOO SOOOO happy to see them. He rushes over to them with chocolate and candy in his hands and gives them so much! He then embraces them and tells them to be good kids during service. And sometimes, they leave and come back with 2 MORE kids who also want candy. And then.. the first two kids get more candy just for coming back. And Everytime, this scene just makes me laugh and smile.
Well anyways... They came today and they asked me "is candy man here?"
HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA o my SO CUTE!!!

I realized just SO much from this cute incident. We are like these children. We don't know who God is and what He's always doing for us.... we just come to Him when we want to be satisfied or healed... And as God, He is always wanting to come and spoil us with "candy." But sometimes we fail to see how spoiled we are and just come back every week for some more! Even though we are so small compared to God, He still loves us and is always ready to give us the best thing for us--Himself.

Thank you! :)

...and that's all he said

Step back and realize

All throughout my life, and even in the future, I will be struggling to fight the desires of my flesh. It's hard to fight it because so much is involved! Like emotions, feelings, previously held conceptions and thoughts, assumptions, desires, and needs. (Haha some overlap, but still). God has been really pushing me this year to find true comfort in Him and in only Him. One day I think I have, but then another day I find myself running away from His hands, His warmth, and His comfort. If life was like a telescope, I would be trying to figure things out myself and see things through my eyes...

Many times I see God trying to tell me to...
“step away from the telescope, Jono – and look at me for who I am.” Each step I take away from my telescope, I am able to see a bigger and grander God--a God that is so big that I will never be able to completely understand Him in this human body. Everytime I step back, I am in even more awe and amazed by His grace. All the things I found comfort in this world, is so dirty to His comfort and His perfect and Holy and pure cloth of righteousness.

But because of my stupidity and lack of strength to over come my desires, I step back toward the telescope and shove my eye into the lens, hoping to grasp and make tangible my transient life.

Please forgive me Lord for I am weak. Please....

The Battle for spot A-34

The Battle for spot A-34
So...let me go back to the first day at Mesa College... **flashback....it goes white.. makes that woosh sound....

Picture this.... I'm looking good......looking fine......
ok..... for those who think this is impossible.. let me just paint u the picture then. I have a nice hollister long sleeve button up, new era cap, fake glasses, and lotion to make my skin o so shiny... and I'm driving to school with the A.C. cranked up.
It's 9:30 a.m.
So I'm listening to some SICKKKKKK Korean music. I just came back from Korea and I was diggn it. nah means?! and you know how Korean's do it.... I did the whole head bobbing and SOL-ing (singing out loud). the whole sha-bang
Not just singing, but like you know where your face looks all serious, and you use all the muscles on your face to make a face gesture... Anyways...

I get to school 2 hours early and I decided to park my car. But guess what?.... No parking. I'm driving around and it's like traffic on the 5 Freeway near L.A.
1 hour passes and I am still singing... of course by this time.... I'm like tired.... really tired. (picture not from that day)
Finally through God's mercy and grace, the car right next to me is about to leave. I'm like crying in my heart and coincidentally my ipod at that moment was playing Chris Tomlin's Unfailing Love.
And I'm like "YESSSSSSSSS!!!!" and singing "everyyyytthinnggg,, you hold in you hand!"
then....
the car in front of me which Obviously has no right what so ever to take the spot because it was way too in front of the spot.....starts signalling to the right. I'm like.." O HECK NO MAN. I DONT CARE WHO YOU ARE. YOU AINT TAKING THIS SPOT!"
Then outta the car comes 3 black guys who look like they each killed someone that morning. One of them looks at me isntantly... spits on the ground in front of me... and then signals the driver to come reverse in. .....
....
..
.
...and I drove away.


...and that's all he said.

This day and age

I just came to this pastor's kid retreat with Moses yesterday. And honestly, the ONLY reason why I came was to help my buddy Mo with leading it. This retreat is basically for pastor's kids, and it's a time where we tell them we should be proud of being a pk, and not embarrased by it. (which is honest to goodness SUCH A BLESSING to be one). I felt Mo's struggles and his love for his dad. That is why I came. But coming here, I realized there was more to why I came. I think God wanted to teach me more.
It's 8:00 a.m. and some of these kids that woke up early turned on the DVD "Same River Twice." HAHAHA wat the heck kind of movie is that. anyways, there is this nice flute, piano music playing and I was convicted to write in my blog.

Let me rewind a little. Today, I ended up waking up at 4:30 a.m. and going for a morning jog. And I honestly have to say, God is amazing. the campsite is near big bear and there is this small lake next our cabins. I'm running in my kennedy shorts and my hairs are pointing out like spikes because it's pretty chilly. But I love it. the sun is still black/ light blue and you hear birds flirting with one another. I'm guessing it's mating season? I'm running now and I realize that I definately lost a lot of weight and it's easier on my knees. ANDDDD my belly and man boobs dont jiggle. they're firm now like rocks. PRAISE THE LORD. Then I'm coming back when I see one of the pastor's walking on his morning walk and I insisted I walk with him. We start talking about the Church and he ended up telling me this one quote that really moved me. He said that there is a famous writer that said as a Christian in this generation, you need to have a Bible in on hand, and a newspaper in the other. I realized that this was perfectly what my heart wanted to express. I wanted to share the gospel, but in a way that would connect to the lost generation or the lost community that many Christians fail to reach out to. We are awlays focusing on the Bible on the right hand, that we fail to use our empty left hand to support our thoughts and actions.

We even started talking about how there isn't really a church growth these days (especially in the Korean community) but more of a transfer growth. Meaning churches don't grow, but we just switch the members around. And that is so true. and.. I can write about the conversation for another 3 pages,

but ALL IN ALL
I just wanted to give a shout out to my God and my Lord and Savior--JESUS CHRIST... Thanking him for everything he's done for us and that we should be more aware of his greatness and beauty. And definately be the servants that he wants us to be and have him use BOTH our hands to evangelize, instead of just one.
Let's us keep our eyes on the real prize, no matter how physically small your eyes can be. like me. -_-

o and this is a short clip of the younger kids waking up HECKA early to play basketball. these fooz ARE CRAZY HAHAH!


and that's all he said.

An explosion to remember

It 4:20 am.
I am tired of powning people on blockles. I'm just sitting down on my back/butt, slouched over and my eyes are open <.0001 mm. It's like 90 degrees in my room and it feels like a jjim jil bang. A sweat is just rolling down between my left eyeball and my left ear and I'm too lazy to get it. I hope it evaporates within a couple minutes, but I doubt it... it's humid in my room too. I get up and open the window and it's getting a bit chilly now. I close my eyes and take in a good whiff of the morning breeze. I feel like Simba when he breathes in the magical wind thingy with like leaves and colorful flowers and grass in Lion King. I smile. My 2 front teeth start to show slowly. And then I slightly open my eyes. You can't tell if I'm opening my eyes or not. Anyways, you get the picture.... and then BOOM BOOM BAM. I turn around... it's quiet and my brothers are sleeping. I think it was a gun shot outside? dang.. when did La Palma get so gangster-ish. We had only one crime in the past 32 years or something. yah... crazy. So I walk over to the window to see wsup.... nothign.... and then as I turn around, I hear Bzup, Bzup BRrp. I look at my brother sleeping on the ground before me.... and I hear it again. Brzup Brrp BOOM BAM. I witnessed..... .... ... .. . my brother fart in his sleep. Is that even possible?
and that's all he said.